November 19th is International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day.
Grieving the loss of a loved one due to suicide is often affected by the stigma that many attach to
mental health issues and the cause of death. If you have a friend who is mourning the loss of a
loved one due to suicide, you may want to be supportive but not know how. It’s important that
your friend knows that how someone died doesn’t define that person’s life or anyone’s
relationship with them. Your friend’s love for that person hasn’t changed and they have a right
to honour and celebrate their loved one’s life.
How can you support someone who has lost a loved one to suicide?
Know that they may find their loss difficult to talk about. You might offer to briefly talk to
anyone that your friend isn’t ready to speak to yet.
Every loss of a loved one is unique. Don’t assume that you know your friend’s pain. Be open to
learning from them about their experience.
Be willing to listen without judgement.
Be willing to accept your friend’s endless search for “why”. Let them know that their feelings
are normal and valid.
Accept the intensity of their grief and emotions and try not to change what they think or feel.
Be there to help your friend to feel less alone. Offer to sit with them and comfort them whether
they want to talk or not. Understand that there may be times when they want to be alone and
respect that.
Use the name of their loved one. Ask to see pictures and show interest in that person’s life.
Know that your friend may feel guilty and blame themselves. Gently remind them that they’re
not responsible for their loved one's choices.
Know that there is no set time limit for mourning the loss of a loved one. Respect their grieving
process and allow them to go at their own pace. Be patient and offer your help, even if it is
refused.
Suggest going for a walk together. Or maybe they are ready to be more active and would join
you for a hike, run or bike ride. Physical activities can reduce stress levels and help to regulate sleep.
Be sensitive with your friend around anniversaries, birthdays and holidays. It’s important to be
supportive and flexible on these occasions. Your friend may want to be alone, celebrate in a
different way than usual or may want to remember their loved one by enjoying that person’s
favourite food or movie.
Offer to help your friend find community support if and when your friend is ready for alternate
support options. Being with a group of other survivors of suicide can help them to feel less
isolated from their feelings. With the group’s shared understanding and compassion, regular
meetings can become a supportive journey. Or they may want to look into individual therapy
with a grief counsellor.
A list of centres across Canada can be found online at the Canadian Assoc for Suicide Prevention
https://suicideprevention.ca/resources/resource-centre/
